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The Thrill of Living

by mimisiku

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I catch myself having trouble not despising your existence. I don't understand how you can't see that you're harmful. Could I ever make you realize? Have I ever really tried? Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to walk away. We're not any better if we resort so quickly to hating those that think differently. An ally is better than an enemy after all.
Don't turn the lights out. If I can't see you I'll panic. Surgically replace my eyes with ones that can see in the dark, so that you can finally sleep comfortably. I'll stop your suffering by ending my own. So that maybe we'll both sleep comfortably.
If we learn to fly we could travel straight up as far as our lungs could handle and see how small and insignificant things really are. It seems simple enough. Let's just close our eyes and jump. What's the worst that could happen? No one in their right mind wants to stay here anyway.
Ukume 02:29
Average life expectancy has always seemed way too long to me, but with you I'm not afraid to grow old. The fear of spending so many years alive is lessened by imagining our bodies failing together. I want to die next to you with our hands tangled as the cold blanket of death wraps us in emptiness.
I am a poison. You said so yourself while explaining how I always pulled you down to my dismal level. I never meant for that to happen, so why do you think it would be any different this time around. I can't drag you down again. Being alone is more bearable than ever returning to any intimacy. I won't be a poison anymore.
Don't Do It 03:02
Shutting down in the first room I ever broke in. Shutting up to realize I put myself back there. And I was writing on the walls and driving 30 miles every few days, just to stay sane. And I'm blurring out the year so I don't remember how I fell, and how I failed, and how I felt none of it. This household of broken homes will never be derivative of the houses we grew up in. We're safe here. And now I can forget how I fell, and how I failed, and how I felt none of it.
It makes me sick to think how long we spent clawing our way out of the ignorant graves they tried to bury us in. They said you'll burn in hell if you don't believe. They said you shouldn't feel whole in the between. Someone your size shouldn't think that they're beautiful. It just isn't normal. They said you're queer and I said you finally got something right. It just isn't normal. Well obviously that's the point.
Life left you faster than I could react. How am I this empty? Am I devoid of sympathy? Or am I just too scared to feel anything? I haven't called because I wouldn't know what to say. I haven't called because I wouldn't be able to say anything. Your body was tired of fighting a battle that nobody wins. My only waking respite is that whatever form the end takes it can't be as painful as this.
Growing up wrapped in the tightest shelter you can imagine are you surprised to find us all stunted and breathless? We need to be taught not protected. I'm on my own now and I'm choking on all this air that I never learned how to breathe. Please don't keep us in the dark. Ignorance is the most dangerous to thing leave us when you're gone.
We're not alone here. There are more things living than this human waste. It's all gone to hell. Our mother is bleeding and we're holding the knife.


recorded by Michael Briggs at Civil Recording in Denton, TX
released by Count Your Lucky Stars on February 19, 2016

All songs written by Mimisiku

Bella Scott - Piano
Cade Bundrick - Drums
Luke Nicholson - Guitar
Miles DeBruin - Guitar
Parker Lawson - Bass / Vocals


released February 19, 2016


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mimisiku Denton, Texas

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